If I didn't know any better, I'd swear I just posted a nearly identical post to this one just a few months ago. It's true- I have completely fallen off the dieting, and heck, even the working out bandwagon. It's not that I've gotten lazy. It's just so hard to begin your diet 6 months before your wedding and expect to STAY on that diet for that long... one can only enjoy protein, vegetables, and fruits alone for so long, na'mean?
I blame Stephen. Which is a great route to begin our marriage on, I know. But seriously, every time the boy comes home for an extended period of time, my workouts and diet go to pot. We just enjoy food WAY TOO MUCH, and between the cleaning and packing of my classroom, the in-laws being in town, celebrations, and road trips to Utah, I've managed to pack on about 2 and a half pounds since he's been home. I know that doesn't sound like much, and I didn't think it was either, but let me share an eye-opening story with you:
I don't know which of you ladies are familiar with wedding dress alterations, but this week, I was finally on my LAST one (Meaning, my seamstress had already made the changes I had wanted on the dress, now I just had to step into it and see how it all fit). After slipping the dress on, I stepped out of the dressing room, requesting help with the zipper. After Stephen tried unsuccessfully, we called over our favorite Chinese seamstress to see if she could carefully zip me up. Needless to say, what resulted was painful, embarrassing, and shameful- both she and Stephen had to stand there, holding my dress together, while she pulled at the zipper, proclaiming "Oooooh, YOU FAT! Ha ha ha!"
Now, according to Stephen, this is just the "Asian way." They are BRUTALLY honest, and will stereotypically tell you things without really any consideration to your feelings. Prior to this moment, I didn't think I was FAT... sure, I had put a little weight back on, but nothing that would make me morbidly obese! I wanted to backhand her though. To make matters worse, the rest of the time she was cinching my dress back up, she kept repeating "You LOSE WEIGHT! You go on diet! Eat soup!" Talk about a blow to my ego. I HAVE lost weight... but this woman is telling me it's not enough!
If it wasn't for the fact that I couldn't breathe in my dress when all was said and done, I would've laughed her comments off. Now though, I gotta take this diet seriously. I am DETERMINED to be the smallest I can by my wedding, or so help me! Talk about embarrassing if I am BIGGER at my wedding than I was when I first bought my dress. You all are going to have to hold me accountable. No sweets, no excess carbs, no creamy sauces, no fast food... I have to make this work. So here we go again...
Weight as of today- 135.0 pounds
Weight loss goal- 130.0 pounds
Weight gain since I was my smallest- +1.8 pounds
LET'S DO THIS.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Home is Wherever I am With You
I'd like to spend a moment thanking [most] of you- thank you for your understanding, thank you for not questioning our decisions (at least, not to our faces), thank you for the support, and of course, thank you to our Utah friends who have made us feel so cared for. I'd also like to ask that no matter your opinion of our choice, you use this post to better understand our situation, rather than pass judgement.
The decision Stephen and I made to move to Orem, Utah has been a long time in the making. Since we have started dating, Stephen has hinted [or flat out begged, let's be honest here] for me to consider packing up my life, dropping my job, and moving down to be closer to him. Although long distance hasn't always been the easiest, I was steadfastly against the idea of Utah- what would my family say? My friends? How angry would my co-workers and my boss be? I couldn't imagine giving up my life, my CAREER, that I have worked so hard to earn and achieve. That would be submissive of me, I'd be falling right into what I (and quite frankly, A LOT of people) view to be the "Mormon way" of the woman giving up her needs to her husband (boyfriend at this time... but you know what I mean).
Following our engagement, the idea of moving to the Provo area was still mentioned, and I still held on to my hopes of keeping my position at Finley Elementary. It started to become clear though that life wasn't quite shaping up the way Stephen and I originally imagined. As a pre-med student, Stephen's priorities were no longer on school. In order to stay competitive in the medical school candidate pool, his GPA would need a little work, and he'd have to keep cramming for the MCAT, but suddenly planning our life AFTER med school seemed more important. We kept pushing all of our focus away from our current circumstances, and we began to build a life in the Tri-Cities, even so much as to go and put down deposits on not ONE, but TWO separate apartments (that was a comical series of events). Each time we put down a deposit, something would come up that would prevent us from moving to those particular apartments, and neither one of us could figure out why so many things were working against us.
Stephen and I began to argue more often. I became angry with his under-grad choices, yelling at him about studying skills and lack of focus, and all the things that he could no longer control. I became angrier at school, more on edge with my family, and generally just a very introverted individual. The straw that broke the camel's back, however, came when Stephen let his parents know that in good conscious, he could no longer graduate on time if he hoped to be competitive... he would have to go back and raise his GPA.
[Disclaimer: Stephen's GPA isn't HORRIBLE, I promise you. I don't want you to get the wrong impression. Medical school is just SO TOUGH to get into these days that he wants to make sure his GPA stands out from the crowd, get it?]
Suddenly, we were all fighting. Stephen and I began to try to work out what could be done to save our situation, and it wasn't looking good. In order to go back to school, Stephen would need to reapply to WSU Tri-Cities, which didn't ensure that all of his credit hours would transfer from BYU. The cost of tuition at even the Tri-Cities campus has gone up substantially, and in order to qualify for student loans and grants, Stephen would need to take a lot of completely unnecessary classes in order to boost his number of credit hours, or face paying out of pocket. Although many people pay out of pocket, and make it work, we were nervous about paying for rent, two car payments (and with the possibility of needing to buy a new car within the next year), car insurance, cell phone bills, utilities, groceries, heat, etc., as well as EXPENSIVE tuition on a teacher's salary. My contract accounted for no pay raise (even though I was moving up the pay scale as a third year teacher), and on top of that, staying with my job at Finley Elementary would require me to begin to pursue my ProCert (I don't want to explain THAT mess, but my teacher friends know what's up), which would be another payment completely out of pocket. To make matters even worse, the job market in the Tri-Cities isn't looking too hot, as the area continues to make cuts, thereby making the candidate pool for well paying jobs across the area even more deep. The possibility of Stephen getting a good job, while also attending classes, wasn't looking great.
Naturally though, at this time, Stephen and I did the math, and realized that the tuition at BYU was MUCH cheaper. On top of that, Stephen already knew he qualified for great grants and loans, plus he was receiving tips about decent, if not VERY well, paying jobs from his friends on the inside around the Lehi-Orem-Provo area in Utah. I of course, was stubborn. My old mentality about being a strong, independent woman was getting in the way of seeing that moving would provide us with a much more secure future. I couldn't imgaine giving up "me." My career, my friends, my family, my LIFE. The only way I could describe how I felt was stuck- I literally felt like someone had dropped me into a twenty foot hole, and the only way I would even try to get out was by digging even further down. I even went so far as to question Stephen whether getting married at this time was the right choice, whether we needed another year apart to better ourselves before we settled down together.
It was about this time though that the statements I was actually making hit me. I truly believe there is never a "right time" to be married. If Stephen and I held out for a "perfect" time, we'd be pushing this marriage back for years. Our marriage won't be about taking the easiest route, but it will be two people coming together, from two very different lives and backgrounds, trying to find a way to blend our craziness together into one. And at that time, I wasn't willing to budge. Even when I saw there was no way to find a good middle ground for us, I REFUSED to acknowledge that it might be my time to give in a little.
Another disclaimer for you less spiritual individuals- I can't even tell you how often how hard I began to pray at this time. Over the last few years, I have found that in my darkest times, I tend to get the strongest answers to prayer. So needless to say, when I began to ask the right questions- "What is it you want us to do? What plans do you have for us? Do you want us to pack up and move to Utah?"- I felt peace that I hadn't felt in months. As scared as I was, and as stubborn as I felt, I knew there was a reason I felt so calm when I asked these questions.
Stephen and I are meant to be, I know this without any doubt in my mind. Our circumstances have lead us to find one another when we both needed a person in our lives that provide what we provide to one another. He brings out the absolute best in me, and has changed my life in ways that I never imagined possible. We need each other, and it was time that I finally faced the fact that I knew, for months even, that moving to Utah was truly what was, and is, best for us.
Before you jump on my back, let me explain. I know I am giving up a teaching job when people are begging for jobs. I know I probably seem ungrateful to some people who worked so hard to help me land my position, and I promise, I couldn't be more thankful for the opportunities I was given. I met some amazing people, worked harder than I ever thought I would, and put SO MUCH work into that DREAM fourth grade position (seriously, in a way, I was spoiled. Working alongside my master teacher in the school I student taught in, pretty primo), it is very hard to walk away from it. The reasons I want to keep my job at Finley though were pretty selfish. I was worried what it would look like to others, I was worried I was letting people down, I was worried about all of my hard work being for nothing. I am lucky enough to be in a field of work that, yes, although you and EVERY OTHER PERSON I HAVE TALKED TO assures me that the candidate pool in the Utah is completely saturated and half the women down there are teachers, I know I will get a job when the time is right. Whether it is for a position next year, or whether I am subbing, or whether I have to wait until Stephen and I are in a more permanent spot in our lives, I have faith that I am supposed to be a teacher, and I am a good one, and the perfect job will come when I am ready. I will find work, and I will help support Stephen and I, and it doesn't matter if it's in Finley or at another district. What does matter is that I am doing what will most help my family, including my future children, in the long run. We all know I will NOT be making the money in the family- teachers get paid SQUAT. Getting into this marriage, I knew that Stephen would need a lot of support getting to his goal of being a doctor. I also know that if he can get there, my family and I will be taken care of. It is just a matter of having faith knowing that although our lives might not be picture perfect for a few years, we will be taken care of.
So with that being said, my current situation is this- as of today, I have applied for 16 teaching positions. I am holding a preliminary Utah license, as my credit hours and teaching experience has been verified by the USOE (like our OSPI), now I am just waiting for the fingerprinting to clear for my official, paper license. Stephen and I have found a wonderful apartment in Orem, and if I wasn't so frightened of stalkers, I would totally show you pictures of the grounds on this blog (text or message me on Facebook, and I'll show you!). The apartments were built in the late 90's, but are in the middle of a remodel. They have vaulted ceilings, two-toned paint, a separate dining room and kitchen, large patio with storage, separate laundry room, pantry, a HUGE walk in closet, and a roman style bathtub in our bathroom (seriously cannot wait to decorate this place!). And, the biggest perk? We are right down the street from Krispy Kreme! Ha ha ha.
Stephen is waiting to hear back from a few companies he applied and interviewed for positions for, but I promise, even if these don't work out, he and I have come up with quite a few back-up plans (we have talked this out A LOT, promise). He is currently on track to take the MCAT and begin applying to med schools this fall (let's cross our fingers that we'll end up in Arizona or Southern California for a while!!). Tomorrow we are leaving to spend the week in Utah getting apartment needs together, clean out his current, "singles" apartment, and be fitted for our wedding garb. Oh yeah, and we're getting married in 38 days!
Our lives might not be perfect. We might disappoint people. We might be judged by people who don't understand. We are happy though, and we both feel very good about our situation. And I have learned that although change is scary, we're going to be fine, because according to Pinterest...
The decision Stephen and I made to move to Orem, Utah has been a long time in the making. Since we have started dating, Stephen has hinted [or flat out begged, let's be honest here] for me to consider packing up my life, dropping my job, and moving down to be closer to him. Although long distance hasn't always been the easiest, I was steadfastly against the idea of Utah- what would my family say? My friends? How angry would my co-workers and my boss be? I couldn't imagine giving up my life, my CAREER, that I have worked so hard to earn and achieve. That would be submissive of me, I'd be falling right into what I (and quite frankly, A LOT of people) view to be the "Mormon way" of the woman giving up her needs to her husband (boyfriend at this time... but you know what I mean).
Following our engagement, the idea of moving to the Provo area was still mentioned, and I still held on to my hopes of keeping my position at Finley Elementary. It started to become clear though that life wasn't quite shaping up the way Stephen and I originally imagined. As a pre-med student, Stephen's priorities were no longer on school. In order to stay competitive in the medical school candidate pool, his GPA would need a little work, and he'd have to keep cramming for the MCAT, but suddenly planning our life AFTER med school seemed more important. We kept pushing all of our focus away from our current circumstances, and we began to build a life in the Tri-Cities, even so much as to go and put down deposits on not ONE, but TWO separate apartments (that was a comical series of events). Each time we put down a deposit, something would come up that would prevent us from moving to those particular apartments, and neither one of us could figure out why so many things were working against us.
Stephen and I began to argue more often. I became angry with his under-grad choices, yelling at him about studying skills and lack of focus, and all the things that he could no longer control. I became angrier at school, more on edge with my family, and generally just a very introverted individual. The straw that broke the camel's back, however, came when Stephen let his parents know that in good conscious, he could no longer graduate on time if he hoped to be competitive... he would have to go back and raise his GPA.
[Disclaimer: Stephen's GPA isn't HORRIBLE, I promise you. I don't want you to get the wrong impression. Medical school is just SO TOUGH to get into these days that he wants to make sure his GPA stands out from the crowd, get it?]
Suddenly, we were all fighting. Stephen and I began to try to work out what could be done to save our situation, and it wasn't looking good. In order to go back to school, Stephen would need to reapply to WSU Tri-Cities, which didn't ensure that all of his credit hours would transfer from BYU. The cost of tuition at even the Tri-Cities campus has gone up substantially, and in order to qualify for student loans and grants, Stephen would need to take a lot of completely unnecessary classes in order to boost his number of credit hours, or face paying out of pocket. Although many people pay out of pocket, and make it work, we were nervous about paying for rent, two car payments (and with the possibility of needing to buy a new car within the next year), car insurance, cell phone bills, utilities, groceries, heat, etc., as well as EXPENSIVE tuition on a teacher's salary. My contract accounted for no pay raise (even though I was moving up the pay scale as a third year teacher), and on top of that, staying with my job at Finley Elementary would require me to begin to pursue my ProCert (I don't want to explain THAT mess, but my teacher friends know what's up), which would be another payment completely out of pocket. To make matters even worse, the job market in the Tri-Cities isn't looking too hot, as the area continues to make cuts, thereby making the candidate pool for well paying jobs across the area even more deep. The possibility of Stephen getting a good job, while also attending classes, wasn't looking great.
Naturally though, at this time, Stephen and I did the math, and realized that the tuition at BYU was MUCH cheaper. On top of that, Stephen already knew he qualified for great grants and loans, plus he was receiving tips about decent, if not VERY well, paying jobs from his friends on the inside around the Lehi-Orem-Provo area in Utah. I of course, was stubborn. My old mentality about being a strong, independent woman was getting in the way of seeing that moving would provide us with a much more secure future. I couldn't imgaine giving up "me." My career, my friends, my family, my LIFE. The only way I could describe how I felt was stuck- I literally felt like someone had dropped me into a twenty foot hole, and the only way I would even try to get out was by digging even further down. I even went so far as to question Stephen whether getting married at this time was the right choice, whether we needed another year apart to better ourselves before we settled down together.
It was about this time though that the statements I was actually making hit me. I truly believe there is never a "right time" to be married. If Stephen and I held out for a "perfect" time, we'd be pushing this marriage back for years. Our marriage won't be about taking the easiest route, but it will be two people coming together, from two very different lives and backgrounds, trying to find a way to blend our craziness together into one. And at that time, I wasn't willing to budge. Even when I saw there was no way to find a good middle ground for us, I REFUSED to acknowledge that it might be my time to give in a little.
Another disclaimer for you less spiritual individuals- I can't even tell you how often how hard I began to pray at this time. Over the last few years, I have found that in my darkest times, I tend to get the strongest answers to prayer. So needless to say, when I began to ask the right questions- "What is it you want us to do? What plans do you have for us? Do you want us to pack up and move to Utah?"- I felt peace that I hadn't felt in months. As scared as I was, and as stubborn as I felt, I knew there was a reason I felt so calm when I asked these questions.
Stephen and I are meant to be, I know this without any doubt in my mind. Our circumstances have lead us to find one another when we both needed a person in our lives that provide what we provide to one another. He brings out the absolute best in me, and has changed my life in ways that I never imagined possible. We need each other, and it was time that I finally faced the fact that I knew, for months even, that moving to Utah was truly what was, and is, best for us.
Before you jump on my back, let me explain. I know I am giving up a teaching job when people are begging for jobs. I know I probably seem ungrateful to some people who worked so hard to help me land my position, and I promise, I couldn't be more thankful for the opportunities I was given. I met some amazing people, worked harder than I ever thought I would, and put SO MUCH work into that DREAM fourth grade position (seriously, in a way, I was spoiled. Working alongside my master teacher in the school I student taught in, pretty primo), it is very hard to walk away from it. The reasons I want to keep my job at Finley though were pretty selfish. I was worried what it would look like to others, I was worried I was letting people down, I was worried about all of my hard work being for nothing. I am lucky enough to be in a field of work that, yes, although you and EVERY OTHER PERSON I HAVE TALKED TO assures me that the candidate pool in the Utah is completely saturated and half the women down there are teachers, I know I will get a job when the time is right. Whether it is for a position next year, or whether I am subbing, or whether I have to wait until Stephen and I are in a more permanent spot in our lives, I have faith that I am supposed to be a teacher, and I am a good one, and the perfect job will come when I am ready. I will find work, and I will help support Stephen and I, and it doesn't matter if it's in Finley or at another district. What does matter is that I am doing what will most help my family, including my future children, in the long run. We all know I will NOT be making the money in the family- teachers get paid SQUAT. Getting into this marriage, I knew that Stephen would need a lot of support getting to his goal of being a doctor. I also know that if he can get there, my family and I will be taken care of. It is just a matter of having faith knowing that although our lives might not be picture perfect for a few years, we will be taken care of.
So with that being said, my current situation is this- as of today, I have applied for 16 teaching positions. I am holding a preliminary Utah license, as my credit hours and teaching experience has been verified by the USOE (like our OSPI), now I am just waiting for the fingerprinting to clear for my official, paper license. Stephen and I have found a wonderful apartment in Orem, and if I wasn't so frightened of stalkers, I would totally show you pictures of the grounds on this blog (text or message me on Facebook, and I'll show you!). The apartments were built in the late 90's, but are in the middle of a remodel. They have vaulted ceilings, two-toned paint, a separate dining room and kitchen, large patio with storage, separate laundry room, pantry, a HUGE walk in closet, and a roman style bathtub in our bathroom (seriously cannot wait to decorate this place!). And, the biggest perk? We are right down the street from Krispy Kreme! Ha ha ha.
Stephen is waiting to hear back from a few companies he applied and interviewed for positions for, but I promise, even if these don't work out, he and I have come up with quite a few back-up plans (we have talked this out A LOT, promise). He is currently on track to take the MCAT and begin applying to med schools this fall (let's cross our fingers that we'll end up in Arizona or Southern California for a while!!). Tomorrow we are leaving to spend the week in Utah getting apartment needs together, clean out his current, "singles" apartment, and be fitted for our wedding garb. Oh yeah, and we're getting married in 38 days!
Our lives might not be perfect. We might disappoint people. We might be judged by people who don't understand. We are happy though, and we both feel very good about our situation. And I have learned that although change is scary, we're going to be fine, because according to Pinterest...
 |
| Home is wherever I am with you! |
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
UTAH- This is the Place!
This last weekend my family finally made the flight to Utah with me, just to see what the fuss is all about. We were actually there to get some wedding/married life business straightened out and taken care of, but of course, as Peters we managed to learn a lot about each other AND the great state of Utah along the way. For instance:
1. You can, and you will, get lost in the Salt Lake Valley. I don't care HOW many of you constantly tell me, "It's a grid system, it's SO EASY to figure out!" Also, Utah traffic heading down to Provo on a Friday night is atrocious, and Utahans... you cannot drive. So yes, driving in Utah is ALWAYS a pleasant experience.
2. You could probably go an entire year, once a day to The Cheesecake Factory, and never try EVERYTHING on the menu, it's that huge... And, no matter how full you are, there is ALWAYS room for key lime mango cheesecake. It's tradition.
3. It WILL snow in Utah the last weekend in May, and you better be ready for it. And if you're going up to Park City to sight-see on the aforementioned snowy May weekend, you should bring a coat, because people WILL get upset if you refuse to get out of the car.
4. Joe's Crab Shack= obnoxious on Saturday nights. We had the rudest server EVER, and on top of that, at around 8 o'clock the girls tried to dance like they were contestants at Coyote Ugly... only a lot less graceful [if Coyote Ugly has any grace]. But I did get a SWEET T-shirt.
5. IKEA cinnamon rolls will bring families together... and that store has everything. Want a dancing carrot doll? Done!
6. City Creek Center is closed on Sundays. Fashion Place is not. Deal with it.
All in all, it's always hard to say goodbye to Utah. No matter what you all might think about the place... it certainly makes for an eventful trip!
1. You can, and you will, get lost in the Salt Lake Valley. I don't care HOW many of you constantly tell me, "It's a grid system, it's SO EASY to figure out!" Also, Utah traffic heading down to Provo on a Friday night is atrocious, and Utahans... you cannot drive. So yes, driving in Utah is ALWAYS a pleasant experience.
 |
| Where are you going? Well... wouldn't YOU like to know?! And don't even get me started on Utah below the point of the mountain... |
2. You could probably go an entire year, once a day to The Cheesecake Factory, and never try EVERYTHING on the menu, it's that huge... And, no matter how full you are, there is ALWAYS room for key lime mango cheesecake. It's tradition.
 |
| I normally don't stray from my Dulce de Leche cheesecake... but for you? I'll make an exception. |
3. It WILL snow in Utah the last weekend in May, and you better be ready for it. And if you're going up to Park City to sight-see on the aforementioned snowy May weekend, you should bring a coat, because people WILL get upset if you refuse to get out of the car.
 |
| Okay... maybe this is an exaggeration of the weather... |
4. Joe's Crab Shack= obnoxious on Saturday nights. We had the rudest server EVER, and on top of that, at around 8 o'clock the girls tried to dance like they were contestants at Coyote Ugly... only a lot less graceful [if Coyote Ugly has any grace]. But I did get a SWEET T-shirt.
 |
| You feel awkward just looking at this, DON'T YOU? |
5. IKEA cinnamon rolls will bring families together... and that store has everything. Want a dancing carrot doll? Done!
 |
| I finally saw the nutrition information on these. I still eat'em. |
 |
| Carrot= Matt; Strawberry= Me; Broccoli= Stephen |
6. City Creek Center is closed on Sundays. Fashion Place is not. Deal with it.
All in all, it's always hard to say goodbye to Utah. No matter what you all might think about the place... it certainly makes for an eventful trip!
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Musings of a Fourth Grade Teacher
Like I've said before- there are some BIG changes coming. Changes that have caused a lot of struggles, arguments, and flat out second guessing. I've been praying more with much more fervor recently, trying to find a reason for all these changes, looking for guidance, comfort, and just trying to make sense of it all. I've even begun to wonder if I am in the wrong profession.
I've been a lot more angry recently, too. I've been blaming my problems on everyone but myself, even going so far as being resentful towards my students for all the problems educators are facing these days. I can't tell you how many times I have gone to school in the morning and beat myself up over the fact that most of my students don't seem to be able to retain anything. In my head I am screaming, "WHY can't you care? WHY don't you turn in your work? WHY do you talk so much?," but until these last few weeks I've kept that anger away from the kids. With the M.S.P. rearing it's ugly head though, my private thoughts have become vocalized. I've begun to find myself scowling at my students, thinking angry thoughts, turning them away from my desk when they've had questions ("I JUST explained that two minutes ago, you can't tell me you've ALREADY forgotten it!"), quieting them when they've tried to tell me about their weekend. I've yelled at them, pointed fingers, saying "IT'S UP TO YOU TO CARE AND TRY YOUR BEST! I'VE DONE MY PART!," shaming them in front of their entire class.
I've gone from waking up, excited to try to open my kids' minds to just how amazing the world around them really is, trying my best to inspire them to learn, to flat out wondering if I am any good as an instructor. The news at school is continually bad- state budget cuts are hurting us, our test scores are failing, our state standards are being dropped for national standards. I barely have the money to purchase pencils for my classroom. I've felt hopeless, trampled on, silenced, and discouraged.
I continued to pray though. The world around me was starting to open up opportunities that might allow me to actually step away from education... but is that really what I wanted? Spiritually, I have had reassurance in the past that teaching is my path, but it just didn't seem that way anymore. Why had things gotten so bad? Why wasn't I receiving any guidance?
Yesterday, I woke up, and told myself I would try harder. If not for my sanity, but for my kids. I had gone home on Thursday night completely defeated- nauseous, sick with worry about the writing M.S.P. they had taken that day, disgusted with their behavior after the test, discouraged by their apathy towards the test. So on Friday morning, I put on my pink, sparkly Toms, and resolved to be my old self.
I pledged to my class- the old Miss Peters will be here today. They all cheered, I'M NOT KIDDING. A few of my outspoken students raised their hand and told me they hated how cranky I had been- I told them I hated it too.
Following their departure to P.E., I had to make a few parent phone calls. I saw the name of one of the parents I had to call, and I froze. She is, to date, one of the most difficult mothers I have ever had to work with, and Friday proved to be no different. Upon calling to let her know I had suspicion to believe that her student had forged her signature on their mid-trimester report, this mother unleashed Hell. She began using our phone call as a platform to state her grievances- how much she hates the block scheduling, how her student "bloomed" in their third grade class, how that student had become a liar and a thief, how her student hasn't formed a bond with any of her instructors, how she hates the administration in the district, and how she like to see her student pulled from our school for fifth grade. I was dumbfounded. The old me would've crawled into a corner, started crying, and started blaming this phone call on the student, but then the mother said something that hurt even more than what she was saying about my school-
"I give up. I wish I would've never adopted [this student]."
Talk about a kick to the gut. I literally almost dropped the phone because I couldn't believe what I had heard. To give up on a TEN YEAR OLD... and then it hit me: I had given up on 75 ten year olds. My behavior was just as revolting as this mother's. I myself had thrown up my hands and had said the very same thing, "I GIVE UP." After making apology after apology, and promising everything I could to help this student, I hung up. As angry as I was with that mother, her phone call had awakened something in me that had been dormant for too long- these kids need me.
I was put on planet earth to be an advocate. Not for something fruity like union involvement or gun control laws [oh no, I am TOO Republican for that business], but for children. The climate at my school is what it is because of the society we live in. Family structure has been torn apart, children are not disciplined, but most of all... children are not shown the love they need. I can't tell you some of the other comments I have heard from parents AND students these last two years I have worked in a public school. There are children in my classes literally BEGGING for attention, for someone to say "I love you enough to not only be here for you, but to also provide you with a safe place where you feel comfortable, to show you and teach you about the world around you, but to also give you enough structure to succeed." Some of my kids (not all, I also know some AWESOME parents!) never feel this way at home... and somehow, along these last couple of years, I have forgotten that I may very well be the only adult who gives them this.
Needless to say, before the kids left that day, I pulled this student aside and said- "I wanted to let you know, I called your mother. She knows you forged her signature. I also want to say that, no matter what happens at home, just know I do care about you, so much. I want to help you. Let me help you." I gave this student a big hug, and although they pulled away from me looking puzzled, if not slightly apathetic, I hope they remember what I said, not only now, but for years to come. I really do love my students. I love my job. I love the opportunity it gives me to impact so many people, and I know THIS is what I meant to do.
Thank you for showing me that.
I've been a lot more angry recently, too. I've been blaming my problems on everyone but myself, even going so far as being resentful towards my students for all the problems educators are facing these days. I can't tell you how many times I have gone to school in the morning and beat myself up over the fact that most of my students don't seem to be able to retain anything. In my head I am screaming, "WHY can't you care? WHY don't you turn in your work? WHY do you talk so much?," but until these last few weeks I've kept that anger away from the kids. With the M.S.P. rearing it's ugly head though, my private thoughts have become vocalized. I've begun to find myself scowling at my students, thinking angry thoughts, turning them away from my desk when they've had questions ("I JUST explained that two minutes ago, you can't tell me you've ALREADY forgotten it!"), quieting them when they've tried to tell me about their weekend. I've yelled at them, pointed fingers, saying "IT'S UP TO YOU TO CARE AND TRY YOUR BEST! I'VE DONE MY PART!," shaming them in front of their entire class.
I've gone from waking up, excited to try to open my kids' minds to just how amazing the world around them really is, trying my best to inspire them to learn, to flat out wondering if I am any good as an instructor. The news at school is continually bad- state budget cuts are hurting us, our test scores are failing, our state standards are being dropped for national standards. I barely have the money to purchase pencils for my classroom. I've felt hopeless, trampled on, silenced, and discouraged.
I continued to pray though. The world around me was starting to open up opportunities that might allow me to actually step away from education... but is that really what I wanted? Spiritually, I have had reassurance in the past that teaching is my path, but it just didn't seem that way anymore. Why had things gotten so bad? Why wasn't I receiving any guidance?
Yesterday, I woke up, and told myself I would try harder. If not for my sanity, but for my kids. I had gone home on Thursday night completely defeated- nauseous, sick with worry about the writing M.S.P. they had taken that day, disgusted with their behavior after the test, discouraged by their apathy towards the test. So on Friday morning, I put on my pink, sparkly Toms, and resolved to be my old self.
I pledged to my class- the old Miss Peters will be here today. They all cheered, I'M NOT KIDDING. A few of my outspoken students raised their hand and told me they hated how cranky I had been- I told them I hated it too.
Following their departure to P.E., I had to make a few parent phone calls. I saw the name of one of the parents I had to call, and I froze. She is, to date, one of the most difficult mothers I have ever had to work with, and Friday proved to be no different. Upon calling to let her know I had suspicion to believe that her student had forged her signature on their mid-trimester report, this mother unleashed Hell. She began using our phone call as a platform to state her grievances- how much she hates the block scheduling, how her student "bloomed" in their third grade class, how that student had become a liar and a thief, how her student hasn't formed a bond with any of her instructors, how she hates the administration in the district, and how she like to see her student pulled from our school for fifth grade. I was dumbfounded. The old me would've crawled into a corner, started crying, and started blaming this phone call on the student, but then the mother said something that hurt even more than what she was saying about my school-
"I give up. I wish I would've never adopted [this student]."
Talk about a kick to the gut. I literally almost dropped the phone because I couldn't believe what I had heard. To give up on a TEN YEAR OLD... and then it hit me: I had given up on 75 ten year olds. My behavior was just as revolting as this mother's. I myself had thrown up my hands and had said the very same thing, "I GIVE UP." After making apology after apology, and promising everything I could to help this student, I hung up. As angry as I was with that mother, her phone call had awakened something in me that had been dormant for too long- these kids need me.
I was put on planet earth to be an advocate. Not for something fruity like union involvement or gun control laws [oh no, I am TOO Republican for that business], but for children. The climate at my school is what it is because of the society we live in. Family structure has been torn apart, children are not disciplined, but most of all... children are not shown the love they need. I can't tell you some of the other comments I have heard from parents AND students these last two years I have worked in a public school. There are children in my classes literally BEGGING for attention, for someone to say "I love you enough to not only be here for you, but to also provide you with a safe place where you feel comfortable, to show you and teach you about the world around you, but to also give you enough structure to succeed." Some of my kids (not all, I also know some AWESOME parents!) never feel this way at home... and somehow, along these last couple of years, I have forgotten that I may very well be the only adult who gives them this.
Needless to say, before the kids left that day, I pulled this student aside and said- "I wanted to let you know, I called your mother. She knows you forged her signature. I also want to say that, no matter what happens at home, just know I do care about you, so much. I want to help you. Let me help you." I gave this student a big hug, and although they pulled away from me looking puzzled, if not slightly apathetic, I hope they remember what I said, not only now, but for years to come. I really do love my students. I love my job. I love the opportunity it gives me to impact so many people, and I know THIS is what I meant to do.
Thank you for showing me that.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Reflecting on a Year
What? My time is up?
... you mean to tell me that my challenge is OVER?!
I don't know HOW it snuck up on me, but I realized that as of today, my baking blog is DONE!
And I didn't meet my goal. Not even close. If I were to put on my teacher hat and actually SCORE myself on my goal, I would receive a solid 68%... we're talkin' a D+ at best people.
I have a pile of excuses, but I'll spare you the details. What I can tell you is, I LEARNED TO BAKE. And I learned to bake well. Not every recipe was one for the ages, but I found some real winners. I have a new goal of creating a family cookbook out of some of the recipes featured in the blog... when I've got the time... someday...
Reflecting back on this year, I can tell you, my life has CHANGED. Some for the better, some for the worse...
1) I've made friends in all different states
2) I've visited cities I'd never dreamed I'd see (shout out to Phoenix)
3) I've acquired a taste for sushi
4) I've dropped the pounds
5) The gym has become my anti-drug
6) I've lived in Utah... and LIKED IT
7) I've stopped drinking
8) I've been to IKEA
9) I've been attacked by a raccoon
10) I've shot a hole in one at mini golf
11) I've been tricked into going on a roller coaster
12) I've jumped in a two foot deep rain puddle (thank you Provo flash floods!)
13) I've had a surprise party
14) I became engaged to the love of my life
15) I've planned a wedding in Hawaii
16) I received a proper kiss at midnight on New Year's Eve
17) I learned how to walk in heels
18) I've watched the snow fall with the one I love
19) I've developed a nail polish addiction
20) I've suddenly become a "science/social studies specialist"
I've also realized: a whole new chapter of my life starts soon. Very soon. I am soon to be a wife, a companion to a man whom I love more than anything. I'm going to be the start of a whole new family... talk about pressure. And potential for being the BEST blog ever!
Will I continue to blog about my baking treats? OF COURSE! I'm no failure, I've got to hit 100 recipes EVENTUALLY. I will, however, be taking a new twist on things.
Get ready: I'll be bringing you the triumphs and challenges from the NEW Bairds. Our lives are about to go through some BIG changes... so why not write about them?
... love you guys. Thanks for caring about my misadventures.
- Kristen
Friday, April 13, 2012
Love and Birthdays: #67 and #68
Meet my fiance.
He's the most wonderful person I have ever met, and I don't think I tell him that often enough.
His birthday falls during my spring break, and I always try to devote a good weekend or so to trying to make him feel as loved as he always makes me feel. I kind of hate feeling like I'll never be able to "repay" him for how much he has changed my life for the good, but I can certainly try... with pastry. That's what I do, right?
... I actually feel kind of tacky seguing this particular blog entry into a recipe list. I feel like I should instead just try to put into words my feelings for this man. How I can't wait to spend Christmas mornings with him and our little family, make Sunday breakfasts and read the paper, go to bed at 9 and be that 'old, married couple' we get teased for being, raise children with, and grow old and gray with. How he can change my day with just a phone call (or sometimes, with a hug). How he still is as exciting to me as a "high school crush" after nearly two years of dating. How everyone always has such wonderful things to say about him (yeeeeeeah, he's mine).
There is no one I would rather drive down the highway screaming Katy Perry with. Eat "experimental" sushi with. Cry with. Laugh with. People watch with. Awkwardly slow dance in a living room with. Cook with. Smile stupidly with while he plays his guitar (love guitar players).
There is no one more patient. How many times have you held me while I've cried, listened while I've complained, and feigned interest with while I've tried to explain which of Nicki Minaj's alter-egos is singing during a particular song?
There is no one more loving. Caring. Giving.
I love ya, Stephen. And I always will.
And now I have to share your recipes I made for you, okay? <3
#67: Lemon Raspberry Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting (AKA Stephen's 25th birthday cake. Best served following dinner with friends at P.F. Chang's, and finished with a spoon and a frown following my departure back to Washington)
As found on http://angieriver.com
Ingredients:
1) Mix together cake mix, milk, whipping cream, vanilla and egg.
.JPG)
1) In a small bowl whip heavy whipping cream with an electric mixer for a couple minutes until it thickens.
.JPG)
He's the most wonderful person I have ever met, and I don't think I tell him that often enough.
His birthday falls during my spring break, and I always try to devote a good weekend or so to trying to make him feel as loved as he always makes me feel. I kind of hate feeling like I'll never be able to "repay" him for how much he has changed my life for the good, but I can certainly try... with pastry. That's what I do, right?
... I actually feel kind of tacky seguing this particular blog entry into a recipe list. I feel like I should instead just try to put into words my feelings for this man. How I can't wait to spend Christmas mornings with him and our little family, make Sunday breakfasts and read the paper, go to bed at 9 and be that 'old, married couple' we get teased for being, raise children with, and grow old and gray with. How he can change my day with just a phone call (or sometimes, with a hug). How he still is as exciting to me as a "high school crush" after nearly two years of dating. How everyone always has such wonderful things to say about him (yeeeeeeah, he's mine).
There is no one I would rather drive down the highway screaming Katy Perry with. Eat "experimental" sushi with. Cry with. Laugh with. People watch with. Awkwardly slow dance in a living room with. Cook with. Smile stupidly with while he plays his guitar (love guitar players).
There is no one more patient. How many times have you held me while I've cried, listened while I've complained, and feigned interest with while I've tried to explain which of Nicki Minaj's alter-egos is singing during a particular song?
There is no one more loving. Caring. Giving.
I love ya, Stephen. And I always will.
And now I have to share your recipes I made for you, okay? <3
#67: Lemon Raspberry Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting (AKA Stephen's 25th birthday cake. Best served following dinner with friends at P.F. Chang's, and finished with a spoon and a frown following my departure back to Washington)
As found on http://angieriver.com
Ingredients:
Cake Bar Ingredients
1 lemon cake mix
1/4 c. oil
1 egg
1/2 c. heavy whipping cream
1/3 c. milk
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 c. frozen raspberries or fresh raspberries
1 lemon cake mix
1/4 c. oil
1 egg
1/2 c. heavy whipping cream
1/3 c. milk
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 c. frozen raspberries or fresh raspberries
Frosting Ingredients
2 oz. cream cheese
1/2 c. powdered sugar
1/2 c. heavy whipping cream (whipped)
1/2 tsp lemon extract or fresh lemon juice (optional)
2 oz. cream cheese
1/2 c. powdered sugar
1/2 c. heavy whipping cream (whipped)
1/2 tsp lemon extract or fresh lemon juice (optional)
Directions:
1) Mix together cake mix, milk, whipping cream, vanilla and egg.
2) Fold in raspberries until just combined.
-Like this:
.JPG)
3) Bake in 8x8 greased.baking pan for 25-30 minutes minutes at 350ยบ.
Yeah, that easy. So good though. Seriously, it took everything in me not to just eat the batter prior to baking... but I suppose I am always pretty guilty of that. One thing to note, I had to keep my cake in the oven for 45 minutes, because the center wasn't rising the way it should have. It still never did, but I had to take it out after 45 because the top was browning too much. And then of course, the middle sunk after I took it out of the oven. I just spread the frosting evenly over the cake, so it wasn't AS noticeable.
Frosting Instructions:
1) In a small bowl whip heavy whipping cream with an electric mixer for a couple minutes until it thickens.
2) In a separate bowl mix together cream cheese and powdered sugar.
3) Add heavy whipping cream to cream cheese mixture and beat until smooth and thick. Place in refrigerator until bars cool completely.
-Notice she also forgot to mention the lemon juice? I didn't add it either. The cake itself is pretty lemony, so I didn't feel like it needed it.
4) Frost bars and serve (or refrigerate until serving).
I also woke up early on Friday and popped this in the oven for breakfast.
#68: Overnight Blueberry French Toast (as found on http://www.sixsistersstuff.com)
Following the success of my first overnight french toast casserole, and per Stephen's request, I made this bad boy. I wasn't as impressed with it as I was with the delicious, cinnamony one I made a week earlier for his family, but he really enjoyed this.
Ingredients:
French Toast:
12 slices bread, cut into cubes (french or Texas toast work well)
1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, cut in cubes
1 cup blueberries (fresh or frozen)
12 large eggs
1/3 cup maple syrup
2 cups milk (I use 1 cup milk and 1 cup cream)
Syrup:
1 cup sugar
1 cup water
2 Tablespoons cornstarch
1 cup blueberries (fresh or frozen)
1 Tablespoon butter
12 slices bread, cut into cubes (french or Texas toast work well)
1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, cut in cubes
1 cup blueberries (fresh or frozen)
12 large eggs
1/3 cup maple syrup
2 cups milk (I use 1 cup milk and 1 cup cream)
Syrup:
1 cup sugar
1 cup water
2 Tablespoons cornstarch
1 cup blueberries (fresh or frozen)
1 Tablespoon butter
Directions:
1. Arrange 1/2 of the bread cubes in a greased 9 x 13 pan. Sprinkle cream cheese cubes and blueberries evenly over the bread cubes.Top with remaining bread cubes.
2. Mix together eggs, milk, and syrup. Pour over bread cubes and cover pan with foil. Let chill in refrigerator overnight.
- This, ladies and gentlemen, is what 12 eggs looks like. Cracked. And it all went in this recipe. Bleck.
.JPG)
3. Bake covered with foil at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. Remove the foil and bake for another 30 minutes or until fluffy and golden. Top with sauce. Serves 8.
- Yeah, we didn't have any foil, so I opted without it. I wish I wouldn't have. Since the top browned pretty quickly, I had to take the pan out of the oven so the bread wouldn't burn, but the bottom was still pretty eggy. Definitely could've been prevented if I had followed the recipe. I think I was only able to keep it in for about 40 minutes uncovered. Lesson learned.
4. Syrup: Cook water, sugar, and cornstarch until thickened. Stir in blueberries and simmer for 10 minutes. Add butter and stir until melted. Serve over the french toast.
4. Syrup: Cook water, sugar, and cornstarch until thickened. Stir in blueberries and simmer for 10 minutes. Add butter and stir until melted. Serve over the french toast.
There you go. Make this for someone you love. From us, to you.
Monday, April 9, 2012
The Most Important Meal of the Day: #65 and #66
Anyone who knows me well knows my love for breakfast. Seriously. I could eat waffles, pancakes, scrambled eggs, muffins, smoothies, sausage links, and french toast for every meal for days on end and never tire of it. I also love when an opportunity arises for me to SHARE breakfast with someone, because let's be honest- breakfast most mornings means grabbing a bowl of oatmeal, cold cereal, or a Slim Fast bar on your way out the door... and that is a shame. A CRYING SHAME. Food this delicious is meant to be shared, and there it nothing I love more than getting to show up at a friend's door, still in my sweats, hair a mess, holding onto a delicious breakfast baked good we're going to share over cocoa and gossip. Ugh, SQUEAL! I die.
This blog contains not one, but TWO delish treats I made a couple of weekends ago (My friends and family are spoiled). The first was a cupcake my friend recommended to me about two months prior to me actually making them. I had been struggling trying to find something fun to bring to Nichelle's house, and had settled on a sticky bun recipe in a cookbook she had bought me as a gift (http://www.ourbestbites.com/... that is their website. I'd type the name of the actual book, but I wouldn't want any of you jumping down my throat for the wrong reasons). ANYWAYS, long story short, upon heading to the grocery store I quickly realized that in order to obtain 18 of the Rhodes rolls mentioned in the sticky bun recipe, I'd either have to buy 3 6-packs of rolls... which was RIDICULOUSLY expensive... or one 36 roll pack... which was unnecessary. Cut to me rolling my eyes, and quickly pulling up my Pinterest, where I had remembered my friend Gabby had found a recipe for a, GET THIS
*CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH CUPCAKE*
... YEAH, so mind-blowing it got center billing.
Okay, so... maybe cupcakes aren't traditional breakfast fare, but Cinnamon Toast Crunch is, and considering this particular weekend was also Gabby's last at a certain coffee conglomerate (... which shall remain nameless; however, I myself used to wear their GREEN, UNFLATTERING apron), I knew her recipe would be a perfect excuse to visit her, drop off some num-nums, and congratulate her on a job well done. Yes. Perfect recipe.
#65: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Cupcakes (as found on http://www.yourcupofcake.com... apparently my fiance knows the woman running this blog, so shout-out to Lizzy!)
Ingredients:
Cinnamon Cake:
3 eggs
1/3 cup oil
¾ cup buttermilk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
¾ cup sour cream
Vanilla Cake Mix (not white cake mix)
1 ½ teaspoon cinnamon
Cinnamon Toast Crunch Buttercream:
8 oz cream cheese, softened
½ cup butter, softened
1 teaspoon vanilla
3 cups powdered sugar
2/3 cup Cinnamon Toast Crunch powder
(Crush the cereal in a bag and then sift out 2/3 cup)
Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line pans with 20-22 cupcake liners. In a large bowl, gently combine eggs, oil, buttermilk and vanilla. Mix in sour cream.
- I know what you're thinking, and yes, I had a minor panic attack putting both buttermilk and sour cream in this batter. Two of my greatest baking fears, COMBINED. They are completely necessary though- I have NEVER had such a fluffy, soft homemade cupcake before.
2. Add cake mix and cinnamon and mix until smooth. Fill cupcake liners ¾ full and bake for 15-18 minutes, or until an inserted knife comes out clean.
3. While the cupcakes are baking, make the buttercream frosting: Beat cream cheese and butter until fluffy. Add Cinnamon Toast Crunch powder. Add vanilla and powdered sugar. Adjust the consistency using milk if it is too thick.
- I usually stray from putting as much powdered sugar as called for in my frosting recipes, just because I prefer the other flavors in the frosting to shine, but this recipe has JUST ENOUGH cream cheese that you can still taste it even with all that sugar. The scary part, however, was putting the cereal in the frosting. I hadn't noticed it said to SIFT the cereal after crushing (WHOOPS), so my frosting ended up having chunks of cereal in it. Weird at first, but delicious once the cupcakes had sat in the freezer for the night. The cereal softened up just enough to where it wasn't crunchy- I don't know HOW, but it just worked!
8. Pipe onto cooled cupcakes and top with cinnamon sugar and Cinnamon Toast Crunch squares.
- I actually DID the piping using a plastic bag technique I learned off of Pinterest, and it worked WONDERFULLY! And my cupcakes actually didn't look half bad- of course, I forgot to take pictures, but here is the picture from Lizzy's site:
The next project was for, who else, the BAIRDS! I was heading over to their house early Sunday morning for some brunch, and I thought I'd bring over a little treat, because I.LOVE.FRENCH.TOAST.
#66: Overnight French Toast Casserole (as found on http://quick-dish.tablespoon.com)
Whoever invented overnight casseroles deserve a big-old-medal for it. Seriously, genius! ... I am becoming such a housewife...
Ingredients:
1/4 cup butter, melted
3/4 cup packed light brown sugar
1 loaf Texas Toast bread (the blog recommended brioche or challah, but people, I AM FROM THE TRI-CITIES. We don't have that kind of selection at Albertson's... French bread would also work well)
8 eggs, slightly beaten
1 cup milk
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 cup chopped pecans
1/8 teaspoon salt
maple syrup and powdered sugar for topping
Directions:
1. In a small bowl, combine brown sugar and melted butter and pour on the bottom on a 9x13 baking dish.
- Pour? Huh... my mixture was super thick, and I ended up spreading it all over the bottom of the pan with a spoon, and it had a texture similar to that sugar scrub you put on your skin to exfoliate it. I guess I didn't melt the butter enough?
2. Arrange pieces of bread in the baking dish, overlapping if necessary.
3. Combine milk, eggs, vanilla, salt, cinnamon, and ginger in a bowl and pour evenly over bread slices. Sprinkle chopped pecans over bread slices. Wrap tightly with plastic wrap and place in the fridge for 4-12 hours.
- Sprinkle? Shoot, I pulled back the bread and STUFFED those pecans between the slices. Every bite had a little nut... that's how we do! OH, and a side note: when I made this, our fridge was stuffed, so I ended up putting the casserole dish in the freezer. I thought it was a genius move at the time, but looking back on it, I think the dish cooled so rapidly that the egg wasn't able to completely soak into the bread, and instead just kind of stayed at the bottom of the pan.
4. In the morning, take the casserole out of the fridge for at least 10 minutes while you are preheating your oven to 350 degrees. Bake casserole for 30-35 minutes. If it starts browning too quickly, place a foil loosely over the top of the casserole for the last 10 minutes or so.
- Good advice on the last part. My bread browned really nicely during the first 35 minutes, but the bottom was still eggy... so I covered it and set it back in the over for another 10 minutes and it worked beautifully.
5. Remove casserole from oven and let it cool slightly before serving. Serve with a dusting of powdered sugar and a drizzle of maple syrup.
This was good. Too good. I may never make traditional french toast again. The best part was the brown sugar at the bottom of the pan that got all crusty and warm at the bottom of the toast. Ugh. SO GOOD!
... I forgot pictures again. So here is this to tide you over:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)